Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
