My Higher Power is John Stamos
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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