She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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