If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
