What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
