My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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