Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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