I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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