In the future we'll all be gay
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
