if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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