No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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