haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
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I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
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Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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