she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
