He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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