Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
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A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.