LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.