A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE