I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.