Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
