pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
