I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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