non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
