THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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