Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
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