I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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