He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
