I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.