I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP