I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?