you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.