Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?