Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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