Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
