I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is Oprah even human
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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