It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
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I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
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Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets