Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.