Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again