Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
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Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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