lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.