we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.