I think I died a long time ago.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?