I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
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Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am available for nakedness