You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i now understand why vodka
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.