her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.