OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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