Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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