my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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