you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
