I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize