This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
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How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
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I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick