He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
