And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
