the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
should my penis look like a turkey
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
