so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i think my cat just said my name.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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