i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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