Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
