I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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