there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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