He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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