so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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