Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
