We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?