I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.