My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
