I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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