Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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